I told my sister and I'm scheduling a doctor's appointment for this week.
It's been incredibly difficult to talk to her recently, with her "besty best friend" visiting, but I finally just spat it out and she drove over and we talked. At first all she could say was "those are so deep" and I just stood there saying "yeah. yeah i know." And when I told her I thought I was depressed and wanted to see a doctor, she chuckled a little but then took me seriously.
I've given up even remotely trying to engage with any family members aside from her, because it just feels like so much work. I get angry and frustrated and paranoid around them so I've taken to just sitting in silence and answering monotonely, because I'm just not interested in it anymore. Life.
And I know it's the depression talking, but I just can't anymore. I'm alone at home while my mother is away, and I don't sleep anymore and I've lost 10 pounds again.
So I'm seeing a doctor, and I'm not leaving without some sort of medication to get myself feeling better. Because I want to be better. I do.
I hope all of your summers have been going better than mine.
I've been gardening and painting outside, which is wonderful.
Enjoy the break!