Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Literature / Student Member sense-and-stupidityFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 422 Deviations 3,923 Comments 13,055 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

deviation in storage by HisHalfElf

Activity


I told my mom. I explained about depression and self-harm. I decided to be blunt and just tell her: it made things better, but not anymore. Telling my dad is going to be interesting, but I'm just so over hiding.

Burned my arm though, at work. Not gonna say it wasn't a little satisfying. Boyfriend accidentally burst the blister last night, but now it's finally starting to heal.

Oh yeah, boyfriend.

Sorry. It's just spring break at last, and I'm really happy (though nervous). 

Hope y'all are happy as well.
  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: "Listen to the Man" - George Ezra
  • Reading: De Profundis - Oscar Wilde
  • Eating: goldfish
Mature Content Filter is On. The Artist has chosen to restrict viewing to deviants 18 and older.
(Contains: sexual themes, violence/gore and ideologically sensitive material)
my rapist has a name.
i hate that.
something cut-throat and simple,
something that powders up your cheeks with a smile,
something soft and persuasive like
john.

poetic license means i can say i killed you.
means i can imagine beating your skull in
with your spare bike tire,
imagine screaming "NO" so loud
all the trees banged against the outside of the building.
imagine biting,
imagine nails full of evidence.

imagine a heart full of evidence.

imagine myself not afraid to let this other boy,
not john, touch me without my bra on.
imagine myself not lying on the floor in the exact
position i was in when i realized that
john was a rapist.

that rapists have names and
birthday parties and
babies so young that they don't have a word
for that bearded face leaning down,
no name for father,
no name for loved one.

i lay on the ground and realize
i do not have a name for what i am anymore.
he is the rapist.
i was named after a grandmother who is now gone.

what am i now,
now that john sticks his black fingernails
into my hair as i sleep.
now that running
feels like his bare brown chest sticking to mine with sweat,
pressing into the ground.
the winter inside of you like an arched spine and static draw.
winter inside of me like ovaltine, like messy to my bones,
like hold me though it is unsustainable.
Him: "Your arms are soft in a different way."
  • Mood: Distracted
  • Listening to: "Transcendental Youth" - TMG
  • Reading: "Goblin Market" - Christine Rossetti
  • Eating: orange slices
existing in my negative is the image of you,

standing beneath streetlamps on a damp portland road.

your scarf lifts up in the breeze

as if reaching for someone in one of these vacant homes.

i close my eyes and feel my heart

click over to a projector.

your dark silhouette flickers over my face.

your hands in your pockets,

shoulders drawn under a gray down coat.

i imagine you are staring at me

like i am a hazel angel,

my body laid with precision and artificiality

in the direct middle of the yellow.

scarlet snow and

black boots on the tarmac.

i imagine you take steps toward me.

but the image is so dark,

the heart's bulb so scratched,

you could easily be facing away.

the crunch which makes my fingers grip

the air around you

could easily be the march of retreat.
I told my mom. I explained about depression and self-harm. I decided to be blunt and just tell her: it made things better, but not anymore. Telling my dad is going to be interesting, but I'm just so over hiding.

Burned my arm though, at work. Not gonna say it wasn't a little satisfying. Boyfriend accidentally burst the blister last night, but now it's finally starting to heal.

Oh yeah, boyfriend.

Sorry. It's just spring break at last, and I'm really happy (though nervous). 

Hope y'all are happy as well.
  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Listening to: "Listen to the Man" - George Ezra
  • Reading: De Profundis - Oscar Wilde
  • Eating: goldfish

deviantID

sense-and-stupidity

Artist | Student | Literature
United States
My book: www.barnesandnoble.com/w/symbo…

"I want the count down inside of me to stop being so precise; I want to jump to zero and back to infinity. I believe in infinity. It's my fatal flaw."
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Groups

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconpanosozi:
panosozi Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
thanks a lot for the fav on my photo.
wish u the best.
if you have time take a look at my rest gallery 
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Edited Jan 9, 2015   General Artist
hello there, lovely person! :huggle:
this is to inform you that i have made use of one of the titles in your poetry in my title poem over here: fav.me/d8d65gn :love:
i hope that this is alright with you, pray that you enjiy the read, and thank you for your inspirational artistry! :eager: <3
Reply
:iconfadedworlds:
fadedworlds Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you for the fav!  
Reply
:iconpsychobeast:
PsychoBeast Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014
You inspire me so much, your works make me write, write write. If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can always msg me. (even though you dont know me :P)
Reply
:iconsense-and-stupidity:
sense-and-stupidity Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much for this. I've kept from replying just so I can keep it in my inbox and look at it when I log on. One of my greatest wishes in life is to inspire other people, in whatever way. :) I'm glad you are writing and writing and writing; it's the only way to live, in my opinion. Have a splendid day, friend.
Reply
:iconchoque-plumbeo:
Choque-Plumbeo Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
hey wanna read a play with me?
Reply
:iconsense-and-stupidity:
sense-and-stupidity Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014  Student Writer
Yes. Which and how and when?
Reply
:iconchoque-plumbeo:
Choque-Plumbeo Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Its the King in yellow, part of it which i wrote, read it it's in my page, if you like it we'll talk about how. I'd like to record the voices to put the play together and i heard your voice and i really liked it, also i need a Cassilda and i hope you'll like it. As to when, im moving, so i can not until sunday.
Reply
:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the fave! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconjimfleming:
jimfleming Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014
Thank you :)
Reply
Add a Comment: