I've never been called "unbelievably pretty" before. I don't really know how to respond.
All I know is that some random person on this campus appreciates that I smile at them, every day at work, and that makes me want to smile more. It makes me feel justified in putting forth the effort to not only look happy, but BE happy. I am so happy, and not just because of this. I know it's not because of this because I've been feeling so positive this last month, because when I was feeling bad something like this would have made me more ashamed of myself - made me want to hide my scars from this person, to lose weight to be more attractive to this "person" - while now, I'm just content knowing I make someone's day simply by smiling at them.
I just want everyone to feel as content as I do.
Even though it's been rough every once in a while. I just. I never want to go back there...and every once in a while I think about it, about how easy it would be to relapse...but I don't.
And that's the important part: not doing the thing; not wanting to do the thing. Coping in different ways (for me, it seems to be making jokes, screaming into my pillow when I need to, and writing/reciting poetry). I had a personal dance party yesterday when my roommate was away; it woke me up. It made me feel ridiculous and silly and beautiful and maybe 100 percent unqualified to dance in public, but alive. And that's what we need: to feel alive. In short bursts at first, then in months, then in years.
Find your coping, find your joy, find your smile.
I love you all.
I'm going to be recording a sonnet (Shakespeare, of course) for class in the next few days. If anyone else wants to record one and link it here, that would be cool. We can have a sonnet party.
I'll link it in an update.