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About Literature / Student Member sense-and-stupidityFemale/United States Recent Activity
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I told my sister and I'm scheduling a doctor's appointment for this week.
It's been incredibly difficult to talk to her recently, with her "besty best friend" visiting, but I finally just spat it out and she drove over and we talked. At first all she could say was "those are so deep" and I just stood there saying "yeah. yeah i know." And when I told her I thought I was depressed and wanted to see a doctor, she chuckled a little but then took me seriously. 
I've given up even remotely trying to engage with any family members aside from her, because it just feels like so much work. I get angry and frustrated and paranoid around them so I've taken to just sitting in silence and answering monotonely, because I'm just not interested in it anymore. Life. 
And I know it's the depression talking, but I just can't anymore. I'm alone at home while my mother is away, and I don't sleep anymore and I've lost 10 pounds again. 
So I'm seeing a doctor, and I'm not leaving without some sort of medication to get myself feeling better. Because I want to be better. I do.

I hope all of your summers have been going better than mine.
I've been gardening and painting outside, which is wonderful.
Enjoy the break!
  • Mood: Anxious
  • Listening to: The Resolution - Jack's Mannequin
  • Reading: HP (again)
  • Watching: childhood home videos
  • Drinking: wish i was drinking and drinking and drowning

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sense-and-stupidity

Artist | Student | Literature
United States
My book: www.barnesandnoble.com/w/symbo…

"Today is a bad day.
Ask me about it.
I’ll probably tell you about
the copious number of snoozes I pressed
before I finally got vertical,
how after I got vertical I just wanted to lie
back down because I remembered
all the things I wish I could forget
and they were so much heavier than
they were last night.
I’ll probably tell you about
slipping on the wet bathroom floor
and the spots I found on my carpet
and over-balancing on the down-stairs
and screaming,
and almost hitting a boy head-to-head
going distractedly around a corner.
I’ll probably tell you about
the rain and how today
it is oppressive,
and the work load is so deep
I can’t even breath
I want summer and darkness and
home so badly."
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:iconjimfleming:
jimfleming Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconsoraismyhomeboy:
SoraIsMyHomeboy Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
hey, I haven't chatted with you in forever! how are you doing? :)
Reply
:iconsense-and-stupidity:
sense-and-stupidity Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Student Writer
I'm not so well right now, but I'm hanging in there. 

How are you, love? It's been too long.
Reply
:iconsoraismyhomeboy:
SoraIsMyHomeboy Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm doing very well. Really busy with work lately though.

Why are you not doing well? :(
Reply
:iconcherishkay:
CherishKay Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:huggle::huggle::huggle::huggle

:tighthug::tighthug::tighthug::tighthug:
:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:
:glomp::blowkiss::glomp::blowkiss::glomp:

I hope you are doing alright, and you never give up your writing and yourself! :huggle:
Reply
:iconalloendreams:
AlloenDreams Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014
“the most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. these persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. beautiful people do not just happen.”
― elisabeth kübler-ross

keep going sweetheart. i promise, it will all make sense one day --what's hurting you now won't hurt so much, some day. i believe in you; you'll make it :heart:
Reply
:iconsaltwaterlungs:
saltwaterlungs Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the favourite!
Reply
:iconshoeborn:
Shoeborn Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2013  Student General Artist
Hey, just wanted to apologize for starting that argument on your journal. >_< sorry if I was upsetting/terribly irritating.
Reply
:iconsense-and-stupidity:
sense-and-stupidity Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Student Writer
It's fine. Not your fault. :) 
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Medical History
Eireann Corrigan

When did you begin to experience dramatic weight loss?
            The spring I turned sixteen, after experiencing
     a dramatic desire to lose weight.

What fueled this desire? Did you believe others considered you overweight?
             I believed others didn’t consider me very often. I felt
           too much, burdensome. In the window beside my bed,
        a hole broke through the mesh screen. I used to write
      help me on scotch tape across pennies and poke
    the coins through the hole. One day I decided
  This is stupid. There are other ways
to ask for help. Thin was one of them.

How did you hope to be helped?
        Someone would take my shoulders in their hands
     and shake. They’d say Look what you’re doing to yourself—
   You have so much to live for. Or they’d promise You’re safe now.
 No one will hurt you again.

You desired attention?
        Rescue. Attention didn’t always get things done.

Do you acknowledge your life was privileged?
        I attended expensive schools. My face was pretty
    enough that men sat next to me on the train, even if other
 rows of seats were empty.

What made the weight loss dramatic?
         I left for summer camp and came home. Ten weeks
       I ate only rice, fruit, and small bites of fish. Castaway
     on an island, only it was New Jersey. At first
   everyone acted happy for me. I dressed up
 for school, tried out for the play.

At first, others seemed to approve of the dieting?
         On the first day of school, he followed me from class
     to the lockers. We signed out scripts for the play
  in the library. He took more time to look at me.
Everyone took more time to look at me, all of a sudden, then.
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